Second Journal of Sass

You know, sometimes life really sucks. It hurts. yep. and I hate how I can't be myself around him, how I'm so conscious of how i'm acting because I want him to see who i am, but what i'm displaying isn't really who i am, it's some extended, exaggerated, alteration of me. and i know there really isn't anything i can do to make him want to be with me again because it's his decision, not mine. and i'm pretty sure he knows how i feel. Still, for her to show up at my house and to curl herself up on him right in front of me? that is cruel. oh well people were drunk. and we don't think. i just wish i could forget, or not have to be around him anymore. except, god damnit, i like how i feel when i'm around him, when we're both sober. and we can just be. i guess i just have to accept the fact that things can't be that way, at least not right now. not until i work through this hurt and let it go. it just sucks to know that someone didn't chose you. that they had the choice and they chose someone else. it's lonely.

just one more post for this evening. Some quotes from John Stuart Mill as I prepare for a major paper on 19th century intellectual thought...

"Truth, in the great practical concerns of life, is ... a question of the reconciling and combining of opposites...."

"He who does anything because it is custom makes no choice. ... The faculties are called into no exercise by doing anything merely because others do it, no more than by believing a thing only because others believe it."


He's probably the most quotable out of the ones we've read, though I'm growing to like what Marx and Engels have to say more and more each day.

night!
r :-)

I spent 8-9 hours in the theatre building today. Not exactly the ideal sunday. But scene design sucks ass. I have some sort of model, who knows what the hell it signifies or means...
This morning I had a really yummy breakfast - an omelette and this pumpkin muffin.
Jenna and I went into the theatre today after strike and we prayed, which is funny because I don't consider myself one to attach a belief to a particular prayable entity. But we had a friend bonding moment and we did a little dance to celebrate the coming of "Our Country's Good". We start rehearsals tomorrow!! I don't feel ready at all. Especially with this huge paper due this week, when am I going to get it done????
And then i take a moment and step back and realize that it's all ok. in the long run how much does the work i put into each of these classes matter?
So, for anyone out there who was wondering... the naked bodies on the chair I am currently sitting on are because of my housemate Allison's senior art studio project. She took scantilly clad or not clad pictures of 5 of us. And i didn't realize until I was looking at the developed photos that my chair was used in quite a few shots... ah well. I'm excited to see the final paintings!
It's late, time to tackle some statistics before sleeping. oh, today at strike i folded drapes and each section had to be labeled with a letter. I had fun yelling the current letter to the guys up on the lift and words to go along with it...
"D. as in...
delightful
disco
dance
diva..."

bonne nuit!
:o)
schmekah

So it's almost 2 in the morning. I need to go to sleep. Today was a weird day. Mostly because I did a lot of studying/homework, which never happens on a saturdays. odd... it's always funny when my parents are toting around campus. I enjoy it to a certain extent because I'm sharing my world with them. But then I'm like wait, they're my parents. hmm
I feel like I should be writing something profound or thought-provoking. but hell, it's 2 am, i should be sleeping.
I just realized that at least 3 different naked bodies have sat in the chair I am currently sitting in. Should I clean it? eh...
oh dear, it really is time to sleep.

tossing tacky tortoise trembles
off to dream land...

schmek

Okay, Ami is cool. I got this quote from him today

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. -- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live"

Sometimes I think that is what theatre does. At least more so than any other art form, because it is real.
Can I just say that my foot hurts like a bitch? Fuck! Liquid Nitrogen is potent stuff. and it really really sucks because I can't walk anywhere without 1) looking like a gimp and 2) undergoing enormous amounts of sharp pain.
Today I met with the history prof- I got some direction for my paper, which is awesome. Now i just have to find the time to write it. I think this is the most effort I've ever put into a paper a week before it is due. Trouble is, I have very little time in the next week, considering my family will be here this weekend, and then monday night my soul belongs to the theatre and "Our Country's Good." 26 hours of rehearsal, plus production meetings and director meetings each week. Ack!
Time to clean my room before the parentals arrive...
toodles,
Rebekah :-)

yay for comments! I figured out how to add them, now I'm all proud of myself. Sad thing is, no one will be commenting... ah well... I suppose I now must do some homework. damn statistics! and-- I was about to say damn my history class, but I don't want to say that because that class is great. I just wish I wasn't meeting with the prof tomorrow- yikes!
here's my quote for today for no particular reason whatsoever

If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. ~E.B. White~

Thanks to Javin for that one

Today I watched Uncle Vanya on 42nd st. I was amazingly impressed- really, the movie was pretty damn fabulous. however, I wasn't really emotionally touched and I wonder why. Because usually I am, and at the end I did shed a few tears, but still. qui sait?
yikes! i have a 10-12 page paper for my 19th century history of intellectual thought class. I'm actually looking forward to writing it a little bit. looking forward to writing a paper? me? I think it's because I love this class so much. The prof is a-mazing. yeah, so I'm kinda excited about this whole web log thing. which is kinda silly, because I have no extra time to spend dinking around on my computer. but oh well.
I'm not different than anyone else really, I know my "blog" is nothing special. Well, except that it's mine, and for me to read. and whoever the fuck else happens to stumble upon it. Which considering i'm not brocasting to my friends and family that my thoughts are currently posted on the web, is not going to be anyone that know. well i guess that's it for now.

jumping jelly bellies rumbling with ruckus
Rebekah :-)

K, I have no idea how this works. So... um, testing, testing. yeah.....

-schmeks